Dating Violence Home Page
What are the warning signs if you are concerned your teen a victim of dating
violence?
• Does your teen exhibit
unusual or extreme moodiness or withdraw from the family?
• Has your teen stopped seeing friends or given up favorite activities?
• Is your teen spending all her time with her boyfriend?
• Does her boyfriend call very often?
• Is your teen falling behind in school?
• Is she afraid to break up with her boyfriend?
• Does your teen have unexplained injuries?
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
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What can I do
to help a teen victim of dating violence?
• Listen and believe her. Don’t
ask blaming questions. Remind her that the violence is not her fault.
• Talk openly and without judgment. Don’t ask, “Why don’t you just break up with
him?”
• Support her efforts to control her own life. Don’t expect her to follow all of
your advice.
• Take her seriously and try to understand what she is saying. Saying “forget
him, there are plenty of other guys out there” doesn’t acknowledge her feelings
or the danger.
• Don’t try to stop the teen from seeing the abuser. Understand that it may take
a while to break up. Forbidding her to see him may put her in more danger.
• Offer to go with her (to court, to a counselor, etc.) for help.
• Set limits and make a safety plan together. Let her know what to do in an
emergency even if she doesn’t admit she’s in danger. For example, tell her that
you will pick her up anytime, anywhere.
• Support your teen’s feelings and strengths; don’t yell or give ultimatums,
because that’s what the abuser has been doing to her.
• Be patient. Ending the relationship is a process and it may take time. Don’t
give up on your teen even if there is a setback.
• Talk with her in private, and don’t tell others her story unless she asks you
to.
• Gather information to help take effective action. Do you know the local
hotline number?
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
Are you a victim of teen
dating violence?
Does your boyfriend get jealous
when you talk with others?
Does he put you down?
Does your boyfriend want to know where you are at all times?
Does he try to control what you wear to school or when you go out?
Does your boyfriend say he can’t live without you?
Does he frighten or intimidate you?
Does your boyfriend try to make you choose between him and family, school or
friends?
Does he lose his temper, and throw or break things when he’s mad?
Do you feel like you have to
apologize for or explain your boyfriend’s behavior?
Do you feel like you have to justify your behavior to your boyfriend?
Are you afraid to break up with your boyfriend?
Does he threaten to kill himself if you break up with him?
Has your boyfriend ever hit a
wall or a locker near you?
Has he ever destroyed your stuff?
Has your boyfriend ever held you down, shoved, hit, or kicked you?
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
What are some strategies
for safer dating?
• Stay in touch with friends
and stay involved in activities you enjoy.
• Listen to your instincts and believe in yourself. Trust your own judgment if
you have concerns about someone you’re dating.
• Learn about teen dating violence and know the warning signs.
• Learn about and seek out healthy relationships.
• Have money and/or a phone or some way to call for help or leave by yourself if
you need to.
• Go out in groups or meet up with others when you go out.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
What are
the safety tips for teen dating violence victims?
• Make and keep a list of
helpful phone numbers, like supportive friends, hotlines, etc.
• Keep a dated record of the abuse.
• Plan and rehearse what you would do if your partner confronted you or became
physically abusive.
• Go out to public places, meet other people or let other people know where
you’ll be.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
How can I protect myself
after the break-up?
• Try not to be alone. Tell
friends what is going on. Eat lunch with friends and walk with them to class.
• Tell teachers, counselors, coaches or security guards what is happening.
• Change your routine, ask to rearrange your class schedule.
• Change your cell number.
• Change your route to and from school.
Warning Signs: Is your friend a
victim of teen dating violence? * adapted from What you need to know about
dating violence: A teen’s handbook by Liz Claiborne, Inc.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
Are
you concerned your friend is being abused by her boyfriend?
Does your friend:
• always apologize for his behavior?
• always worry about making her boyfriend angry?
• cancel plans at the last minute?
• give up things that used to be important to her, like friends or activities?
• have injuries she can’t explain?
Does your friend’s boyfriend:
• call her names or put her down?
• act extremely jealous when she talks to other people?
• always check up on her, calling or paging all the time?
• lose his temper, throw or break things when he’s mad?
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
What can I do to help?
• Take her seriously and try to
understand what she is saying. Saying “forget him, there are plenty of other
guys out there” doesn’t acknowledge her feelings or the danger.
• Offer to go with her (to court, to a counselor, etc.) for help.
• Don’t criticize the abuser, but focus on her safety.
• Remind her that the violence is not her fault.
• Gather information to help take effective action.
• Validate her feelings and strengths.
• Don’t tell others her story unless she asks you to.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back
to Questions
What
percentage of teens report being in a dating relationship?
89 percent of teens 13 to18 years
old reported being in a dating relationship, which may be more than adults
expect.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back
to Questions
Is teen dating violence
serious and dangerous?
Teen dating violence is serious
and dangerous. Girls reported serious harm resulting from close to 50 percent of
dating violence incidents. However, dating violence is not simply physical
violence. Dating violence also can include threats of violence or ending the
relationship, extreme jealousy, insults, isolation, controlling behavior,
incessant and unwanted calling or texting, and sexual abuse.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E.
of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
Do both
boys and girls experience dating violence equally?
While both boys and girls can be
victims of domestic violence, most victims are girls, and girls suffer more
series consequences and report more fear than boys from dating violence. Girls
are more likely to be punched and assaulted by boys, while boys are more likely
to be pinched, slapped, scratched or kicked by girls.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back
to Questions
What percentage of teen girls know someone who was physically abused by a dating
partner?
40 percent of teen girls reported
knowing someone who was physically abused by a dating partner.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
How many teenage girls are physically or sexually abused by a dating partner?
One in five, or 20 percent, of
teen girls have been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
What
is the most common age group for victims of sexual assault?
Teens between the ages of 16 and
19 are 3.5 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape,
attempted rape or sexual assault.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
What do adolescent abusers report that their violence served to do?
When self-reported teen abusers
were questioned about the intention and impact of their actions, 25 to 33
percent of them admitted their violence intimidated, frightened or forced their
partner to give them something.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
Do teenagers often report abuse to their parents or school counselors?
Only six percent of girls and 11
percent of boys experiencing severe abuse tell an authority figure. If they tell
anyone, most of these young people tell their friends about abuse.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
Where does teen
dating violence most commonly occur?
At home. Teen dating violence
most commonly occurs at the home of the victim or abuser.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E.
of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
Is there
anything I can do about teen dating violence?
Everyone can do something to help
end teen dating violence. The Attorney General's Teen Dating Violence Resource
Kit has advice for victims, friends, parents, and educators.
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
What is teen dating violence?
Teen dating violence is a pattern of
controlling behaviors by one teenager over another teenager with whom they are
in a dating relationship. That behavior can include physical violence but can
also include emotional and/or verbal abuse. Twenty-four percent of 14 to
17-year-olds know at least one student who has been the victim of dating
violence, yet 81% of parents either believe teen dating violence is not an issue
or admit they don't know if it is an issue. The violence can happen over time
and one may not even realize the behavior is abusive.
-
Emotional abuse - Embarrassing the person
in front of others, calling a person names
-
Physical abuse – Physically hurting
someone, preventing a person from leaving a location
-
Sexual abuse – Forcing someone to have sex,
not allowing someone to use birth control
-
Limiting independence – Telling someone
what to do, giving a person rules to follow
-
Isolation – Not allowing someone to see
their friends
-
Threats – To leave someone or hurt them
-
Intimidation – Making a person afraid with
a look
-
Harassment – Texting someone frequently,
spying
-
Minimization, denial & blame- Telling a
person that their fears are all in their head
For more information on
violence in relationships contact:
H.O.P.E. of Ogle County
P.O. Box 131
Rochelle, IL 61068
Phone: (815) 562-4323
Fax: (815) 562-5756
Email: Hopecmail@aol.com
Back to Questions
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